Dealing with People you can't stand ((2)) - Tanks((Fight or Flight))

Fight or flight :) but from my perspective you don't have to be the victim of other people.

Tank has:
- Positive Intent: Get the task done.
- Characteristics: Controlling, Assertive, Aggressive, and confrontational, and has short attention spans.

Aggressive people require assertive responses; your behavior must send a clear signal that you are strong, capable and anything less is an invitation for future attacks. The strength of character that you reveal will ultimately determine the tank’s perception of you and future behavior toward you.

Your emotions can be greatest point of vulnerability, so first try hard to avoid the following three emotional responses to an attacking tank:

1- In a burst of angry, you may be tempted to counterattack :
An advice, you should avoid engaging in tank-to-tank warfare, unfortunately he always will win.

2- You might attempt to defend, explain or justify your position:
Tank has no hearing your explanations, but it could be antagonize the tank :(.

3- You could shut down and become a nothing person:
The Fear is a sure-fire signal to the tank that the attack is justified and you are somehow deserving of the pounding.


Note:
  Tanks simply do not attack people they respect so your goal must be to command respect.


So check below the required action plan to treat with tanks :) :
 1- Hold your ground.
Do not change your position, you do not have to go on the offensive or the defensive. Instead, silently look the tank in the eyes, and shift your attention to your breathing.

2- Tactfully interrupt the attack.
The best ways is repeating their name over and again until you have their full attention. But be careful once you have begun this action, backing off may be worse than never having done anything at all. Prepare what you want to say but with assertive way.

3- Quickly backtrack the main point.
Once you have the tanks attention backtrack the main accusation because backtracking sets a good example for listening with respect and it convey the tank that you have heard him.

4- Aim for the bottom line and fire.
Redirect the Tank by showing how you share a common goal of getting the task done.

5- Maintain peace and earn Tank’ respect by assigning a time and conditions for following up on the issue once she has cooled down.

Very wonderful example “Mary,Mary,Mary. I hear that you are having a problem with the ways this is being done. But I am not willing to discuss it ,if this is how you are going to talk to me. When you are ready to speak to me with respect, I will take all the time you want to discuss this” ;)

But what is the tank’s accusation are true, and you are in the wrong?
1- Please admit to you mistake.
2- State briefly what you have learned from your experience.
3- And finally State what you will do differently in the future to prevent it from happening again.


Good Luck with your tanks :D :D :D :D

Dealing with People you can't stand ((1))

“Dealing with people you cannot stand” is really spectacular book and it should be read. It helps you to learn:
1- How to use communications techniques that enable you to work with difficult personalities.
2- How to use specific tactics to counteract negative behavior.
3- How to use the telephone to build relationships.

          It starts by identifying the top 10 unwanted Characteristics then give you some skillful communication to let you survive during communication with whomever from unwanted list, then takes you in tour to find how you can bring out the best in everyone in unwanted list at their worst.

         From my perspective, it is so effective and learnable strategies for dealing with most problem behaviors and it could change all your life because it limit your angry. Instead of getting angry all the times from the behaviors of people who around you , you begin to get in deep in characteristics and begin to analysis what their thinking ways ,what they care about now and what they do not. And I think with time you will reach to professional way to communicate with people successfully whatever they are.

        Now I just wanted to go forward with the same book contents so let’s go to identify who are the top 10 unwanted list :D :D , and just I want to high light perhaps you noticed that ,when your intentions are thwarted/randomly , you occasionally become some of these people too so do not be pessimistic the essential point is that these behaviors are observable and changeable and the results of your dealing with people at their worst is , in large measure ,up to you.

1- The TANK:
Pushy and ruthless, loud and forceful, or with the quiet intensity and surgical precision of a laser, the end justifies the means. Expect no mercy from the Tank.

2- The YES Person:
Quick to agree, slow to deliver, the Yes Person leaves a trail of un kept commitments and broken promises. Though it pleases no one, Yes-people over commit in order to please!

3- The SNIPER:
This covert operator identifies your weaknesses and uses them against you, through sabotage behind your back or well-aimed put-downs in front of the crowd.

4- The KNOW-IT-ALL:
This person knows 98% of anything. Just ask! The Know-It-All will tell you what they know for hours at a time, but won’t take a second to listen to your clearly inferior ideas.

5- The THINK-THEY-KNOW-ITALL:
This character doesn’t know much, but doesn’t let that get in the way. Exaggerating, bragging, misleading and distracting, this legend-in-their own mind pulls you off track.

6- The GRENADE:
When they blow their top, they’re unable to stop, and shrapnel hits everyone in range. Then the smoke clears, the dust settles, and the cycle begins building to critical mass again.

7- The MAYBE person:
When faced with a crucial decision, they keep putting it off until it’s too late. But there comes a point when the decision makes itself. Then it’s nobody’s default but their own.

8- The NOTHING Person:
You won’t know what’s going on because they tell you ‘Nothing!’ No verbal feedback. No non-verbal feedback. They seal their mouths and stare past you as if you're not there.

9- The NO Person:
They say that “What goes up must come down.” And what comes down must never be allowed to get back up again. Doleful and discouraging, they drive others to despair.

10- The WHINER:
There’s a plan for their life, but they’re not in it. Instead, they wallow in their woe, whine incessantly, and carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

http://books.google.com.eg/books?id=EWJA2K011mEC&dq=dealing+with+people+you+can't+stand+pdf&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=N3-nTOj9DsyNjAej6cy7DA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CCYQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=dealing%20with%20people%20you%20can't%20stand%20pdf&f=false

http://www.dealingwithrelatives.com/media/ftp/PopQuiz.pdf

مقيـاس الحقيقـة

لا تقاس الطيبة ببشاشة الوجه

فهناك قلوب تصطنع البياض

فهناك من يجيد تصنع الطيبة

ويخبئ بين زواياه خبثاً وريبة

لا يقاس الجمال بالمظهر

ومن الخطأ الاعتماد عليه فقط ...

فقد يكون خلف جمال المظهر قبح جوهر

لا تقاس حلاوة الإنسان بحلاوة اللسان

فكم من كلمات لطاف حسان

يكمن بين حروفها سم ثعبان

فنحن في زمن اختلط الحابل بالنابل ...

في زمن صرنا نخاف الصدق

ونصعد على أكتاف الكذب

لا يقاس الحنان بالأحضان

هناك من يضمك بين أحضانه

ويطعنك من الخلف بخنجر الخيانة

والفرق شاسع ومدفون

بين المعلن والمكنون

لا تقاس السعادة بكثرة الضحك

هناك من يلبس قناع الابتسامة

وتحت القناع حزن دفين وغصات ألم وأنين

لا تقاس الحياة بنبض القلوب

فهناك من قلبه تعفن داخل أضلعه

وهناك من مات ضميره وودعه

وعلى الضفة الأخرى آخر كتمت أنفاسه

وثالث قتل إحساسه مقبرته

في عينيه شاهد حزن عليه

لا يقاس البياض بالنقاء ولا السواد بالخبث

فالكفن أبيض والكحل لونه أسود

وبينهما يسكن الفرق

لا تقاس العقول بالأعمار

فكم من صغير عقله بارع

وكم من كبير عقله خاوي فارغ

If I had opportunity to get significant position in Egypt

First of all, let us agree that Egypt had been playing essentially starring role in world development for several decades and Egypt is the basic brilliant source for civilization.

Unfortunately, Egypt faces nowadays some fundamental problems in several terms especially regarding human rights. These problems will not be solved in an overnight sensation, definitely not. Egypt requires a long term strategy which is hard to be defined.

So sometimes I ask myself what is this strategy and if someday I had opportunity to get significant position in Egypt what would I do. From my personal perspective, I think that it is time we turned the major of our focus and concentration to education and health.

The education is important because every society needs people to contribute effectively in a variety of ways to the future health and wellbeing of communities and development, in other words education is really the soul of any civilization. So I strongly wish we could improve it because it unfortunately became in a mess especially the secondary education system. If I were minister of education, I would change it and change the used inept approach for joining the colleges. Entering colleges according to the student grades is inept approach and it should no longer exist.

The health of our citizen is important because they are our resource for development but unfortunately as usual we do not use it effectively. Every day there is plenty of people who dies and give us clear evidence how much we have lack treatment and not equivalent offering for our medical services who can pay can get. If I were minster of health,I would try to provide free health care program – medical services- or at least with humble fees. I wish all the hospitals have the same medical services -not one hospital for rich and other for poor.

Women Work Dilemma

Nowadays, the women work is really significant dilemma especially in our society. It is certainly true it has positive impact in our development but at the same moment there are surveys which clarify how women work affects negatively our society. So Many people nowadays vote against it and not only men who vote against it but also some women vote against themselves because they believe they are inferior and only fit for household chores.

The work for woman is as her identity because women who work are independent. This means that they do not have to depend on others like before – they stand on their own feet. Working women also obtain respect and freedom by the society. And definitely money by the working women and men enters the house, bringing more wealth, luxury, comfort and leisure.

And according to statistic, there is no difference between the standards and quality of work done by men and women who do the same work. Further women sometimes are more productive than men, despite being paid less. Women are responsible, devoted and have more loyalty more than men.

On the other hand the societies, religion or tradition can be used as a barrier for women work. Plenty of people still say that women should not work; in other words, a woman’s place is in the home. Mothers have full time to devote to her children, teaching them the care and protection. Indeed, these points are crucial factors in the good development of children – factors that may not be present in women who work for their consequence of the stress due to work and lack of time.

But for me I totally agree with woman work if and only if her work will not affect what she is created for. Women should no longer be considered the inferior sex, they should stand side by side with men and define their roles in society, choose to work outside or stay at home and in which they will have more time to develop their own interests. The wife of a powerful businessman or politician or successful person is no less responsible for the success than the man because the Success is a result of cooperation, assistance, coincidence and supporting.

Reading Groups

Yesterday when I was studying, I read good article about reading group and it excited me so I decided to publish the idea because really I see it useful especially for read lovers who do not find enough space time to spend with their books after all the daily life load.

The Idea could not be simpler , just group of members agree to read a certain book, and then, a few weeks later meet up to exchange opinion over tea , coffee …etc . You can meet in people’s homes, but also in clubs, cafes …etc.

Definitely, it is so recommended that the group should have kind of homogeneity. The group members could be friends, neighbors, cousins, colleagues…etc whatever the combination but they should have good abilities to meet together and share together the interested topics to read.

From my opinion, this idea will help us to have commitment to read the books faster as we can because we are going to have a date to discuss what we got. Get more from the book because you will get it from different perspectives, furthermore at the same moment this idea may be one of the getting together style to broaden our social life.

Despite the idea is simple, it can be more useful if we could summarize what we read then publish it as kind of knowledge transfer. Imagine getting two books during read one and read the summary of the other :) … it will be amazing.

ITS Certificate of Recognition